Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
