You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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