You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
