So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
