you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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