I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They took my balls.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
