I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
