and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
