Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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