btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
