...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
