you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
