wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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