You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
