There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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