I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
