A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
