so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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