watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
