I'm really into asian looking animals
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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