i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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