I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
