so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
