shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
