this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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