I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
