It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
