Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
...so i touched it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
