apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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