never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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