Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
