I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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