This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
