so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
third nipple confirmed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
