Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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