Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize