I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
