normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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