Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize