You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
