Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
