So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize