I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
