The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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