I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
