I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
false alarm, still single
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
