pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
