I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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