I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
