If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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