I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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