Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
