You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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