He uses pillows to masturbate.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
