So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
