Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
