Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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