Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
