Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize