New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
