The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
