there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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