people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
