The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
