At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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