Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
