Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
