we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
