Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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