As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
