where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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