Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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