Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
