God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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