That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
