i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize