The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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