i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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