i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
