I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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