I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
