sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
