I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
