remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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