dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
