im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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